Now that we’re expecting our first progeny, there’s a million decisions to be made. There are many nearly inconsequential ones like the color of the bedding, but there are other decisions like giving the kid a name. The kid will never remember the bedding, but they’re pretty much stuck with the name for their whole life.
To make this process work, we laid down a few simple rules. The first was that if a name suggestion is made and the other one of us doesn’t like it, it can be immediately vetoed – no questions asked.
Then there’s just a few more rules:
- No names of family members, including extended family (Sorry, Mom)
- No names that are really popular (which seems to be most Irish names these days)
- No names of friends’ kids (that kills quite a few, actually)
- No names of girls Jeff has dated (that Anne can remember 😀 )
- No names that are hard to spell over the phone (Machenzzie, anyone?)
- No names that are of ambiguous gender (Chris, Sam, Jordan all out)
- No names with too much alliteration (Buffy Boulter)
- No names that will get the kid beat up (Melvin)
- No names that make for weird initials or initials that spell things (hub, pub, cab, bub, bob, bib, dub, tub, sub, sob, rub, rob, rib, orb, nab, lab)
- No names of particular children that Anne worked with who died (sigh)
- No names of people’s pets (well at least the ones that can be names of humans too)
- No names of Greek Gods (Athena, Venus)
- No names that sound like strippers (Destiny, Bubbles, Precious)
We’ve got about 4 books, each of which has at least 25,000 names in them. After applying all these rules and our vetos, I think there’s about 5 possible names left. They all start with X and contain no vowels.
So is “child #1” an acceptable name?