{"id":694,"date":"2012-09-22T20:58:34","date_gmt":"2012-09-23T01:58:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/?p=694"},"modified":"2012-09-23T21:12:51","modified_gmt":"2012-09-24T02:12:51","slug":"how-to-install-a-treadmill","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/2012\/09\/22\/how-to-install-a-treadmill\/","title":{"rendered":"How to install a treadmill"},"content":{"rendered":"

Correct Method<\/h2>\n
    \n
  1. Select any treadmill you like.<\/li>\n
  2. Cheerfully hand over an additional $200 to have it delivered and installed.<\/li>\n
  3. Enjoy a frosty beverage of your choice while a couple of burly men drive up to your house, carry your treadmill down your steps, unpack it and set it up while your children play and laugh nearby.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Incorrect Method<\/h2>\n
      \n
    1. Select a treadmill that weighs more than the combined weight of all adult members of your household, say 350lbs.<\/li>\n
    2. Elect to pick it up yourself and feel superior to the suckers who pay $200 to have it delivered.<\/li>\n
    3. Pick up the treadmill with vehicle clearly not intended to carry a 7.5ft, 350lb box, say a 1999 Honda CR-V.<\/li>\n
    4. Ignore the doubtful looks of the treadmill store guy who helps you get it into the car.<\/li>\n
    5. Breathe a sign of relief when it actually fits, hanging several feet out the back window.<\/li>\n
    6. Drive home. Back up your car over your lawn to your basement bulkhead.<\/li>\n
    7. Attempt to open the basement door, only to realize the deadbolt lock has fallen apart and into the stair area which locked on both ends.<\/li>\n
    8. Spend a half hour disassembling the door, removing it from its hinges, and prying it off with a crowbar.<\/li>\n
    9. Realize you somehow failed to eat a proper meal all day and are subsisting solely on birthday cake and ice cream.<\/li>\n
    10. Slide the treadmill out of the car and down the steps.<\/li>\n
    11. Determine that the box is a quarter inch too wide to fit through the doorway.<\/li>\n
    12. Tear apart the box and attempt to take out individual pieces, hoping to lighten it.<\/li>\n
    13. Surmise that the removed parts weigh less than 20 pounds.<\/li>\n
    14. Strain to tilt the torn-apart box on its side so it may fit through the doorway.<\/li>\n
    15. Perform all this sometime after usual dinnertime so your kids are overtired and hungry.<\/li>\n
    16. Attempt to drag the 300lb treadmill, on its side, down the steps while your children are screaming and clinging to your legs.<\/li>\n
    17. Somehow manage to get it down to the floor.<\/li>\n
    18. Thank jeebus that it has wheels to move it the rest of the way across the floor.<\/li>\n
    19. Reattach your basement door.<\/li>\n
    20. Put the pieces of the treadmill together.<\/li>\n
    21. Collapse.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

       <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Correct Method Select any treadmill you like. Cheerfully hand over an additional $200 to have it delivered and installed. Enjoy a frosty beverage of your choice while a couple of burly men drive up to your house, carry your treadmill down your steps, unpack it and set it up while your children play and laugh …<\/p>\n

      Continue reading ‘How to install a treadmill’ »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-694","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/694","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=694"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/694\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":697,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/694\/revisions\/697"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=694"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=694"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=694"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}