{"id":293,"date":"2005-08-16T14:27:45","date_gmt":"2005-08-16T22:27:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/?p=293"},"modified":"2006-11-21T07:29:10","modified_gmt":"2006-11-21T15:29:10","slug":"advice-to-parents-to-be-from-a-non-parent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/2005\/08\/16\/advice-to-parents-to-be-from-a-non-parent\/","title":{"rendered":"Advice to parents-to-be from a non-parent"},"content":{"rendered":"

It seems that every day lately one of my friends announces that they’re having a kid. That’s great. Some of them even ask me for advice. That’s scary, especially since I might still be closer to being a kid than having one myself. <\/p>\n

But that won’t stop me from giving some advice anyway. I’ve never read a parenting book, but I do watch TV and I figure that should be good enough. So here’s a few things I’ve learned.
\n
\n1. Do NOT shake your baby’s bon-bon. Better yet, consider carefully before you outsource your parenting<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"woodward\"<\/p>\n

2. Do NOT hang your baby off a second story balcony. While we’re on the topic, it’s best to keep all kids that are NOT yours out of your bed.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Jackson\"<\/p>\n

3. Closely related to the last rule: keep your child away from psychopaths with cameras<\/a>. Someday your kid MAY want to try to get a date.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Jackson\"<\/p>\n

4. Lastly, put your baby down BEFORE you feed hungry crocodiles or prehistoric creatures of ANY kind. I’m sure someone in the audience will be happy to hold him for you.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"irwin\"<\/p>\n

OK, I think that’s it. As long as you follow these simple rules you should be model parents. Any other questions?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It seems that every day lately one of my friends announces that they’re having a kid. That’s great. Some of them even ask me for advice. That’s scary, especially since I might still be closer to being a kid than having one myself. But that won’t stop me from giving some advice anyway. I’ve never …<\/p>\n

Continue reading ‘Advice to parents-to-be from a non-parent’ »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-293","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/293","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=293"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/293\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=293"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=293"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=293"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}