{"id":276,"date":"2005-06-21T18:26:44","date_gmt":"2005-06-22T02:26:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/2005\/06\/21\/punnery\/"},"modified":"2005-06-21T18:27:15","modified_gmt":"2005-06-22T02:27:15","slug":"punnery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/2005\/06\/21\/punnery\/","title":{"rendered":"Punnery"},"content":{"rendered":"

My Dad forwarded this one on. Some really good puns here, more than the usual vulgar joke!<\/em><\/p>\n

Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery<\/p>\n

A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.<\/p>\n

Practice safe eating – always use condiments.<\/p>\n

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.<\/p>\n

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.<\/p>\n

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.<\/p>\n

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.<\/p>\n

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.<\/p>\n

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.<\/p>\n

Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.<\/p>\n

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?<\/p>\n

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.<\/p>\n

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.<\/p>\n

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.<\/p>\n

Without geometry, life is pointless.<\/p>\n

When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.<\/p>\n

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.<\/p>\n

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.<\/p>\n

Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.<\/p>\n

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.<\/p>\n

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.<\/p>\n

What’s the definition of a will? (Come on, it’s a dead giveaway!)<\/p>\n

A backwards poet writes inverse.<\/p>\n

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.<\/p>\n

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.<\/p>\n

If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.<\/p>\n

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.<\/p>\n

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you a flat minor.<\/p>\n

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.<\/p>\n

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.<\/p>\n

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.<\/p>\n

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.<\/p>\n

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.<\/p>\n

He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.<\/p>\n

Every calendar’s days are numbered.<\/p>\n

A lot of money is tainted. It t’aint yours and it t’aint mine.<\/p>\n

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.<\/p>\n

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.<\/p>\n

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.<\/p>\n

Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.<\/p>\n

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.<\/p>\n

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.<\/p>\n

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.<\/p>\n

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.<\/p>\n

Acupuncture is a jab well done.<\/p>\n

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.<\/p>\n

The poor guy fell into a glass-grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My Dad forwarded this one on. Some really good puns here, more than the usual vulgar joke! Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative. Practice safe eating – always use condiments. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Shotgun wedding: A case …<\/p>\n

Continue reading ‘Punnery’ »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-276","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/276","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=276"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/276\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=276"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=276"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/boulter.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=276"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}