You can never be too prepared in the 10th safest city in America. After a recent distressing incident, I decided it was time to arm myself. So if anytime things aren’t bending your way, I’m now your gun for hire.

Especially if you need something heated to 760 OR 920 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s right, I bought a heat gun.

What will I do with such a tool? Well fix the plastic bumper of my car which I bashed in a few weekends ago for one. After that, uh, dry my hair really fast? Melt stuff… I’m sure there are thousands of things I haven’t thought of yet. Anyway, who knew they invented such cool toys? I can at least feel proud of owning one.

Like the random guy ahead of me in line at Pep Boys said, “19 bucks? You can’t go wrong!”